Go Martha

[DieHard 2,061]

Oldest (81) to be the cover of SI swim suit addition. Gangster. Best Martha quote. 
 

“Let's get to the reason I'm here tonight which is to give Justin Bieber some tips to use when he inevitably ends up in prison. I've been in lockup and you wouldn't last a week, so pay attention. The first thing you'll need is a shank. I made mine out of a pin tail comb and a pack of gum. It's so simple. I found Bubbalicious works best and it's so much fun to say. When I did my stretch, all the hood rats on my cell block wanted to break off a piece of Martha Stewart's ass, so I decided some bitch needed to get got. I walked into the chow hall, picked out the biggest bull dyke and I stuck her. From then on, prison was easier than making blueberry scones. Shaq, I hope your mom doesn't still hold a grudge."